I Should Have Read The Ending - Chapter 74
Chapter 74 – Bottomless Despair
The pain gradually faded away. It felt like Diana was floating in the wilderness.
It was a world of meaningless vanity that separated light and darkness. Instinctively, it seemed that Diana knew where it was. A world where only certain people can meet.
“Diana, are you listening?”
She didn’t hear an answer.
“Diana, do you hear me?!”
She felt the untenable belief that the original Diana would be listening to her.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, and I didn’t know anything… I didn’t understand how terrible your life was.”
It was not herself that was miserable and sad. It was Diana from the original. Now, she understood.
-Yes, you didn’t try to understand.
It was Diana’s voice. The same sound, but completely different. The depth of misery was different.
“Yes, I was stupid. I was so scared to come to a strange world. I didn’t want to be alone.”
-I’ve repeated the reincarnation over and over again.
“That’s… what do you mean?”
-How many times have I done this already and I felt so devastated? Please, I have to do something.
-But I couldn’t change the results every time. The moment I returned, Trisha was aware of it too. Yes, every time…
“Don’t tell me.”
-I had a dagger. It’s a relic that the ancestors of the Tiers found. I can go back to the past if the sword is hit by the blood of the descendant of the Tiers family when they die. Together with all the memories.
It was quite an advantageous position. Diana could go back to the past along with her memories. At first, Diana predicted that the story of the true Diana would not be complicated. She thought that Diana had suffered, and Trisha was just an ordinary seventeen-year-old who was a very ambitious girl.
“Then I can change it.”
-There are restrictions on this reincarnation. The given time is getting shorter.
“What does that mean?”
-You can’t go back to seventeen year old again. Maybe you’ll be older than when you open your eyes again. That’s the rule.
The original Diana had already experienced a series of reincarnation. There was a constraint on the power of the object. There was no way could she go back to the point before everything happened.
“But I still remember, why can’t I change anything?”
-It was no use changing anything. When I realized that, I was in despair. And then, my original life span ended. Even if we go back, we don’t have time to go back.
“That’s why you called in someone to replace you?”
Is that why I entered the book? Diana felt guilty. She didn’t understand the original Diana’s grudge at all. No, she didn’t try to understand. When she entered the book, she just thought of living a peaceful life because in the book she could freely use her feet to walk and had the fortune to live a good life. Diana forgot that the original Diana gave it to her.
Diana’s voice was still. But there was a void that could not be filled by anything.
-I lost the most precious thing in the world. My dear child.
“You mean the child that Trisha aborted?”
-Yes. My child.
Diana could not say anything for a while. What kind of despair did Diana see?
– I was left alone in life and having a baby to raise was my greatest happiness. My dear child. My life would be happy if I had him. Yes, things would be different.
For the first time, her voice warmed up.
-But my child was also killed by Trisha. I couldn’t do anything. But even after that, I realized that even if I repeated the reincarnation or desperately looked for another way, I couldn’t go back to the time when I had the baby.
The voice became desolate again.
-I lost my child forever.
No amount of repetition of the reincarnation would allow her return to a place she had been in her previous life. Diana had tried to change everything, she had looked for other ways, but the conclusion was always the same. What had been lost cannot be recovered again.
Hearing the original Diana’s voice, Diana felt a stabbing pain. She was the one who created this space. The present Diana, who had just vomited blood and died, did not feel the pain until she came here.
A terrible sadness was resonating on one frequency, in bottomless despair, forever. All the love and guilt of a lost child forever. All emotions were poured out that they were engraved in torrents.
-Yes, forever, I did lose a child.
Diana realized now that the word eternity was so sad. Without knowing that, she faced Trisha, a 17-year-old innocent, and just dreamed of living freely.
-When I realized I could never return. I was in distress, then a soul came here. It was a soul that was very similar to me.
“That was… that was me.”
-Maybe I needed a soul most like me.
It was true. Before entering the book, there was nothing in Diana’s life other than emptiness.
“Sorry, I didn’t try to realize the pain. I didn’t know, I swear. I’m just so unhappy with my old life that I didn’t know much about others. I couldn’t understand.”
-I can’t help it, because you weren’t me.
Diana was just afraid to come to a strange world. The original “Diana” was simply considered frustrating. Diana thought of her as a stupid woman. She didn’t try to understand the loneliness she had. Why? Because she was a woman who had nothing to do with herself.
-This is the second time I’ve been in this space.
The first time was when Diana, who knew the rest of the story, could not bear it and made her own decision to hasten her death.
Luckily, Diana had come here, avoiding complete death, thanks to self-determination, using the relic.
-Soon, you will open your eyes.
“Are you going back again?”
-Yes, but now it’s different. You are my age, and I am you.
Diana seemed to know what that meant. Both souls embraced the despair and pain of the past in the same wave of emotions.